Caught between a vision and hauntings from the past:
The vision – I am standing at the edge of a small lake or large pond with only the light of a full moon showing me my own reflection in the clear, clean water. The moon gives off rays of light, like a star, filling me and the pond with light and hope. I know I am there, expecting something wonderful to happen. There only the sound that is heard is of the water, barely lapping upon the shore and the light that shines upon it and me. I feel safe, alone, and anticipating what wonders will touch my being in this place…..
The haunting – There is fog in South East Portland tonight.It makes me go back in time to when I could hear the fog horn on the bay.
I am walking on Nob Hill, near the Masonic Auditorium, or somewhere near Union Square with one of my friends that are now long gone, past the veil of this world.
Near the Masonic Auditorium I am walking toward Market Street after a concert with Chris. Both of us enjoying the thick fog that envelopes us. It is not cold, but that is because we are wearing coats, knowing how the cold of the fog can seep into the bones if one is not properly dressed. We are trying to decide whether or not we should go have a cocktail or just head home to the Castro or Mission.
Somewhere near Union Square I am walking with Roland. We are feeling only slightly altered. He is taking me to one of his favorite spots in The City. We go into the St. Francis Hotel and ride to elevator to a floor he knows the number of. Once we get off, he leads me to a door the opens to a balcony on one of the higher floors of the hotel. The fog surrounds us and muffles the sounds of Geary Street below. The lights from the store fronts below are barely visible through the fog.
I feel so safe with either of these two men, in the fog, walking the streets of San Francisco, not so very long ago….
The past has such a feeling comfort, but it is no longer .The vision holds such potential, but is uncertain. I flicker between the two,in the present. I am here, feeling good while being in these two times and places.